November 27, 2009

Quote of the Week: Reggie Miller and Marv Albert

The NBA: where a food-driven Reggie Miller masturbation threat happens.

During TNT’s br0adcast of the Utah Jazz and Chicago Bulls game, the network showed some Thanksgiving food as the contest was going to a commercial break. Here’s the commentary:

Reggie Miller: “OOOooooooOOooooo (like the male hooker counterpart of Barry Badrinath in Beerfest)… I think I need a bathroom break.”

Marv Albert: “What!?!”

Um…

I understand Marv is known to bite a bitch here and there… and his “entourage” has been rumored to clash with 50 cent’s… but I’m with him on this one. There was no other way to respond to that little piece of broadcasting genius.

I’m still in a little bit of shock that actually just happened. I can’t believe there was something in Reggie’s brain that said, “Say that! It’ll be funny and totally cool with my producers! The audience will love it and the guy sitting next to me won’t react like I’m out of my mind!”

What?!?!?

It was a perfect response to an absolutely absurd comment.

One more time: Reggie Miller saw food that looked so appetizing he was forced to blurt out the words, “bathroom break” – implying he either needed to drop a king-size deuce or have a one-man tug-of-war.

What?!?!?!?

-Tidbit

November 25, 2009

0-for-14… and counting

Chris Douglas-Roberts has been one of the few semi-bright spots for the 0-14 Nets.

I’d like to start off by congratulating Jimmie Johnson (as if he were actually reading) on his fourth consecutive NASCAR Sprint Cup title. I’d break down the historic win — but that’d be about as useful as me analyzing the latest fashion trends. Instead, I’ll stick to what I know: The Nets are bad — really bad.

Just how horrendous are the winless Nets? Well, Minnesota defeated New Jersey 95-93 on opening night and since, the Wolves have dropped 13 straight by an average of more than 10 points per game. New Jersey lost to the 3-11 Knicks, and the Nets are the reason for 40 percent (2) of Philadelphia’s victories. New Jersey has also faltered against the 4-9 Bobcats, 4-9 Wizards and 5-7 Pacers.

Ouch.

It’s hard to lose 14 consecutive games in the NBA. Eventually, somebody has to overlook you and a “W” is inevitable — I think.

The most puzzling aspect of this epic losing streak is the average talent the team possesses. The Nets weren’t expected to make a playoff run, but I don’t think anyone envisioned New Jersey dropping the first 14 games out of the gate. Devin Harris missing 10 contests is part of the problem. However, Chris Douglas-Roberts, Brook Lopez, Courtney Lee and Rafer Alston are serviceable players. Maybe not All-Stars — but good enough to accidentally win a game in 14 tries.

Bottomline: When the Knicks are bad enough to shoot at your hoop – and you still lose — the end of the season can’t come soon enough.

-Tidbit

November 21, 2009

Handed a World Cup berth

This hand ball directly resulted in France's game-winning goal.

For anyone who isn’t aware of the situation, the French feel OK about being cheating, cowardly bastards. If you disagree, just ask an Irishman.
 
Thierry Henry’s hand ball directly led to France’s game-winning goal over Ireland – and ultimately – an invite to the World Cup this summer. People probably died over this. There’s arguably no fan-team relationship more passionate and genuine than a non-American country and its ”football” team.
 
Side note: I can’t blame the rest of the world for referring to soccer as football. Apparently it just makes way too much sense for Americans to adopt – kinda like the metric system.
 
The Irish appealed to FIFA to replay the game, since the goal was in the late stages of the match and the contest was likely headed for a tie. FIFA denied the appeal, which was no surprise. The Irish then desperately asked France to back their case. However, the French said they “understood the disappointment and bitterness of the Irish but the result could not be changed.”
 
Pussies.
 
The chances of FIFA allowing the replay — even if the French backed it — was very slim. They at least should have agreed, as a nice gesture, to support the idea of a fair result. And in the off chance that FIFA did call for a rematch — if I were the French, I’d be more than happy to prove we have the better team.
 
It would have been unprecedented; it would have been difficult to swallow if it cost your country a trip to the World Cup — but it was the right thing to do.
 
-Tidbit

November 20, 2009

I miss ‘The Answer’

Then:

Now:

AI: Damn man, I'd rather be talkin bout practice.

Back in 1996, in the good old days of middle school, some 6-foot-nothin guard emerged from Georgetown. Dude went by the name of Allen Iverson. He turned into – without question – my favorite player on the planet to watch play basketball. Keep in mind Michael Jordan was still playing, and not with the Wizards.

I miss those good old days, when Iverson was still “The Answer” – and not a just a toned down and more talented Stephon Marbury. AI still has a little game left, but when you are a free agent in November and the hapless New York Knicks are your best “fit” — life isn’t what it used to be… not even close.

I felt compelled to look up some old Iverson highlights – back when he was still The Answer. He was twice as quick as anyone on the court. He could pull up and shoot from anywhere on the floor. He was all over the place, stealing passes and picking the pockets of overmatched point guards. No matter what the opposing team threw his way. Allen Iverson had  The Answer.

Side note: There were some better, shorter highlight reels out there, but none of them had the added bonus of seeing the old-school ESPN2 logo (you know, back when it was the cool and hip version of ESPN, aka “The Deuce”?). This was way back when Charlotte was still the Hornets and Cleveland just got the Browns taken away –  I wonder if Cleveland would still want them back if they knew what was coming. Hmm. OK, back to AI…

I almost, kind of, sort of hope Iverson does sign with the Knicks and he flourishes in D’Antoni’s system. But I feel like that’s false fan optimism waiting to get chewed up and spit out. It’s the same reason no one was that happy for Blake Griffin after he was draft No. 1 overall to the Clippers. Yeah, he was the first overall pick, and could really help that franchise – but that franchise is the Clippers. Good things just don’t happen to people who wear Clippers jerseys.

Can Iverson revert back into flying up-and-down the court, making plays and scoring buckets if given the opportunity for minutes and shots wearing a Knicks jersey? I wish the best for him, but no, probably not.

Sorry AI, I wish I had a better answer.

 -Tidbit

November 19, 2009

No. 1 Bust

JaMarcus: Damn, these teams are tougher than Louisiana-Lafayette.

Former No. 1 overall pick JaMarcus Russell will be benched for Bruce Gradkowski this week. Let’s review: A former No. 1 overall pick is being benched for BRUCE GRADKOWSKI!?!?!

Gradkowski’s career stats: 53.1 completion percentage, 9 TD, 15 INT, 58.7 QB rating in 22 games.

Gradkowski’s 2009 stats: 17-for-30, 163 yards, 0 TD, 2 INT.

Not exactly a guy who played his way into the starting lineup. Russell — despite his hefty paycheck and “franchise quarterback” status — played his way out.

Russell impressed scouts after out-performing Brady Quinn during the Sugar Bowl against Notre Dame in the finale of the 2006 season. But considering the ineptitude demonstrated by Charlie Weis’ Fighting Irish in big games since then, it’s no wonder Russell lit it up. He preyed on inferior competition all-season long, while top-tier programs made the LSU star look average.

Raiders owner Al Davis fell in love with Russell’s superior physique and arm strength and selected the former Tiger at the top of the 2007 draft class, while paying no attention to the fact that despite being physically gifted, he had a long way to go before being a legitimate NFL quarterback. Throw in Oakland’s revolving door at head coach and lack of stability at the offensive line — you’ve got the perfect recipe for a bust.

In Russell’s final season at LSU, he threw for 20 touchdowns and just one interception, leading the LSU offense to 40.6 points per game and an 8-0 record  – against teams that finished outside of the AP Top 25 (Louisiana-Lafayette, Arizona, Tulane, Mississippi State, Kentucky, Fresno State, Pre-Saban Alabama, and Ole Miss).

However, in the five games against solid competition, LSU went 3-2, while the “phenom” threw just eight scores, and tossed seven interceptions. Toss out the Sugar Bowl, and that puts the Tigers at 2-2, 15.8 ppg; and Russell at 6 TD and 6 INT against the likes of No. 1 Florida, No. 9 Auburn, No. 15 Arkansas and No. 25 Tennessee.

Russell was simply never that good. Al Davis just fell in love with the guy’s physical attributes, rather than his ability to play quarterback against the best competition — just another reason Oakland is among the saddest franchises in the NFL.

Maybe even worse than Detroit and Cleveland… maybe.

-Tidbit

November 17, 2009

Quote of the week

“I was estatic when were down 18.” — Kentucky head coach John Calipari after beating Miami of Ohio with a buzzer-beater.

OK, John. I bet. I’m sure you were absolutely thrilled to be down nearly 20 to the second-best Miami team in the nation. The Master of Spin strikes again — and somehow a quote like that will earn him a top-three recruiting class next year. I’ve got to give him credit — dude knows how to work the microphone.

-Tidbit

November 17, 2009

Kinda Fantastic: Bud Adams

Associated Press:

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Tennessee Titans owner Bud Adams apologized Monday for making an obscene hand gesture while celebrating his team’s 41-17 win over Buffalo.

The 86-year-old Adams was seen throwing an emphatic series of middle fingers from a luxury suite at LP Field in Nashville, Tenn., after the Titans (3-6) had secured the blowout over the Buffalo Bills (3-6), which included 24 straight points in the fourth quarter.

Adams apologized in a statement, saying: “I need to apologize for my actions yesterday near the end of the game. I got caught up in the excitement of a great day, but I do realize that those types of things shouldn’t happen. I need to specifically apologize to the Bills, their fans, our fans and the NFL.

“I obviously have a great deal of respect for [Bills owner] Ralph Wilson and the history we have shared. I also understand there will probably be league discipline for my actions and I will accept those.”

It’s too bad Adams was forced to give an apology due to his stature.

I bet if he were to release an honest statement, it’d read more like this:

“I was drunk and my team has won three straight games since I called for Vince Young to start at quarterback. And the fact that we were kicking the crap out of Ralph’s Bills made it even better. Especially since he signed that jerk off T.O. So eff off everyone — I’m 86, which makes me way too old to give a damn what anyone thinks.”

Mr. Adams — you are Kinda Fantastic. Keep those fingers flying.

-Tidbit

November 16, 2009

Go for it!

Patriots Colts Football

Belichick's gamble will be widely criticized, but it is defensible.

 Call me crazy — but I don’t hate Bill Belichick’s call to go for it on fourth-and-2, on his own 28-yard line, up by six points. The percentages probably add up.

The chances of the New England offense picking up 2 yards on a play, was probably more likely than a wilting defense stopping the Indianapolis offense in two minutes. Two of the three previous drives by the Colts were quick scoring strikes: A five-play, 79-yard drive in 2:04; along with a six-play, 79-yard drive in 1:49.

The possession in between? An interception thanks to miscommunication between Peyton Manning and Reggie Wayne. Good luck if you’re counting on that to happen again.

Because Kevin Faulk momentarily bobbled the ball, Belichick looks like a bumbling fool. However, he had the stones to make that call, when nobody else in the league would have considered it — not because it didn’t make sense by the percentages — but because they’d be crucified by the media for going against the “safe” play. I can assure you there’s nothing “safe” about giving Manning the ball with average field position (at worst) with 2 minutes on the clock and I can promise you Belichick doesn’t give a damn what Trent Dilfer and Mark Schlereth think of his decision making. He’s going to do what he thinks gives the Patriots the best opportunity to win. In this case, he lost, by a half yard.

Belichick did mismanage his timeouts, but that gets swept under the rug if the Pats come up with a first down on third or fourth down. The Colts defense stepped up and made plays — that’s what great teams do — it’s the same reason Belichick expected his team to convert on fourth down.

-Tidbit

Side note: Tom Brady actually outplayed Peyton Manning tonight. I’ll still take Manning in my huddle over Brady any day of the week, but it’s a good example of how teams win games — not quarterbacks.

November 13, 2009

Reckless spending finally pays

ArodChamp

Seeing Alex Rodriguez hold a championship trophy just seems unnatural.

On Wednesday, November 4th of 2009, Alex Rodriguez became a World Champion and a proven postseason performer.

Soon after, my brain began to bleed and I slipped into an A-Rod-was-actually-clutch caused coma for nine days. I have since recovered, but my baseball-morale is at a decade low. Ever since Luis Gonzalez slapped a ground ball up the middle to score Craig Counsell in Game 7 of the 2001 World Series, I haven’t had to see the Yankees be the best at anything — barring their ability to disappoint the most obnoxious city this country has to offer. I enjoyed that, it genuinely made my life a little easier to live.

However, I’ve realized this: If the Yankees have been crowned World Series champs just once for the better part of a decade, I have to chalk that up as a ‘W’.

Considering the amount of money they spend to field a championship-caliber squad, it’s bound to work out once every eight years or so. It doesn’t matter if New York signs inferior players to bloated contracts – the Yankees have the assets to cover their mistakes with more cash.

Does Boston possess the same advatage over the average franchise? Yes, but to a much lesser degree.

The Yankees — and the Yankees alone — have the ability to assure they’ll have a cast All-Stars on the diamond on each and every opening day. Sooner or later, a team of overpaid talent is going to break through.

It’s not a matter of if; it’s a matter of when. Which is why nearly every fan of every other franchise in baseball tends to dislike (at minimum) the Yankees. It hurts the game when some World Series winners’ faces paint the picture of relief (Jorge Posada in particular), rather than the giddy excitement you’d expect to see from a Little Leaguer.

When any other franchise wins a World Series, it’s pure bliss for that city and their fans. When New York wins, it gives back an arrogant fan base their sense of entitlement to a World Series parade every year.

There’s nothing worse than an obnoxious, arrogant New York Yankees fan. For convenience sake, let’s call this particular type of fan “Frankie B.” — doesn’t the name just scream douche bag?

“Frankie B.” sincerely believes he is God’s gift to Earth. He is the best, his teams are the best — and he’s certainly going to let you know it. Anyone that disagrees? They’re bias or jealous or both. We all know a “Frankie B.” and most of us would tremble at the thought of being trapped in a room for more than 18 minutes with a person like this.

Mind you, although there are some respectable Yankee fans. “Frankie B.” is not one of them.

It’s the “Frankie B.’s” of the world that make a New York championship so intolerable — even more than A-Rod coming along for the ride.

-Tidbit

November 3, 2009

Browns fire GM

BrownsGM

Problems in Cleveland are thiiisssss big

ESPN’s Chris Mortensen and Adam Schefter:

George Kokinis is out as general manager of the Cleveland Browns after less than one year on the job. The manner in which he will make his official exit was in dispute Monday, according to team and league sources.

Kokinis refused to resign when pressed by owner Randy Lerner, who then persisted in seeking a dismissal “for cause,” citing Kokinis for failing to meet the specific standards as dictated by his contract, the sources said. The team’s security and legal department were reviewing phone records to build its case against Kokinis, a team source said.

There also were discussions of whether the two sides could reach a financial settlement, sources said.

Multiple media reports initially reported Kokinis had been fired.

Television station WKYC and the Cleveland Plain Dealer first reported Monday night that Kokinis was ushered out of the Berea facility by security around lunchtime Monday.

Do the Browns really suck so much that they can’t even fire someone correctly?

The reason this Kokinis chump was hired in the first place was because head coach Eric Mangini hand-picked him. Eric Mangini has also started Derek Anderson at quarterback for the better part of this season. Anderson’s 36.2 quarterback rating says more than I ever could about Mangini’s decision-making ability.

The only way you can even defend Anderson at QB would be pointing out that the club won’t have to pay Brady Quinn (sparkling 62.1 QB rating) the bonus money he would earn with increased playing time.

However, as much as I’d like to bash Anderson (he’s become my least favorite quarterback since Scott Mitchell), my beef is with the Cleveland Browns organization in general. The Browns fired Romeo Crennel because they needed a new vision. Here’s an idea: Let’s hire a former-Bill Belichick assistant (like Crennel), who “specializes” in defense (supposedly like Crennel), who has no personality (even Coors Light had trouble making a commercial with Crennel) — and let’s give him the authority to choose our general manager.

Kokinis got the axe today. Mangini will get the axe in January — if not sooner.

Neither should have been hired in the first place.

-Tidbit